You've got your claws buried deep. 
// Bite Down - Bastille //

My thoughts are a tangle in my head that I don't really want to solve; because solving means definition and finality and a clear line that we can't get back from. It means that we are no longer where we are because we would be steps ahead.  It means letting go and starting again.

 I never thought I'd be this - I never thought I'd be a coward, so scared of what awaits that I rather just stay in this undefined limbo of time, stuck between being a student and an adult.I can't get the rational words onto this page. Everything's mashed up in here - like when I was a kid, I would make bath time pizza dough; which really was just talcum powder and whatever liquids I had on hand. It was a mess. Just like this crossroad is. Welcome to the crossroad of hell.

Nah.

Welcome to the crossroads of transition. Where everything is brand-spanking-new and everything changes or resets upon itself. Friendships go astray, questions answered become void and invalid and most importantly, life progresses.

I've always believed that hindsight is amazaballs- so this will be me, waiting and watching to see what astounding conclusions await me.

March 28, 2015 at 06:47PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1EfzvwV

March 27, 2015 at 01:30PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1EZWTMe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now, so let the light shine on me.

March 21, 2015 at 12:01PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1FhK6rh Please remember to follow the standard operating procedures set.

March 14, 2015 at 11:57AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1L9sbGL So I put my faith in something unknown. I'm living on such sweet nothing.

March 13, 2015 at 06:58PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1b7skKL I don't know where I'm going but I don't think I'm coming home. #bali2k1five

March 12, 2015 at 10:15AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1AmnmyE Monkey warriors 🐒

March 10, 2015 at 08:16AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1HqlJWi So I put my hands up, they're playing my song. The butterflies fly away 🌞 #bali2k1five

March 08, 2015 at 01:54PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1ErEaLW Bali 🌞

"You don't have to do this alone."

But I do. I am alone.

February 25, 2015 at 12:27PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1BaVIcM HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEEEE! @nurulhudahalil May your twenty fourth year be filled with blessings of good heath, happiness and inner peace. May you always find the strenght to be stronger than you were yesterday and the courage to be exactly who you are. You cant pick family, but I'm glad I have you! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ (24 hearts for 24 years!)

Do you know that I've taken every small moment with you and stored them in a locked chest hidden down the dark alleys of my veins and soul?

Do you know that I treasure them so?

February 18, 2015 at 03:16PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1G0Hhbp Familar places with familar people.

Be enough.

You will get tired of not being enough.

But here's the thing, you are enough.
Every bit of you has been fashioned and moulded into a form so specifically perfect for who you are and the growing bundle of potential that reside underneath your skin.

And in this vast, vast world, do you really think that you're not enough for all the things your body aches for you to discover?

You were made to be exactly who you are. 

I want to know exactly who I am and what I'm about and moulding myself in someone else's shadow won't help me do so.

xx

February 16, 2015 at 11:49AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1EfhU4g Sometimes when things get really bad, you regress. And while it feels safe for a little while, it's not enough.

Some days are filled with people and other days are filled with thoughts. The best kinds are days that are filled with people and kind thoughts.

There should be fireworks.

February 15, 2015 at 01:35PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1Cv1LVZ Of ice cream waffles and MacD's #standardoperatingprocedures

Sabar.

Sabar.

▫All things come in good time.

▫When it's meant for you, it'll be great.

▫It'll be amazing and magical and hit so  close to home that you'll feel like every single step in your life was in preparation for this moment.

▫The small loves of you life will be nothing compared to the ones destined for you.

Sabar.

February 12, 2015 at 06:07PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1Ckd2bz When all our friends are dead and just a memory, we'll lie side by side, it's always been just you and me. 🎧🎵

Pretend.

I wonder if anyone else feels as much as of a fraud as I feel? Like when we walk around with our heads held high, paying our bills and doing all the adult shit we do, does anyone else feel like screaming "I'm a goddamn fraud you guys!!!!! Im just pretending to be an adult!!!!"

February 03, 2015 at 08:30PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/16ewCNH You have SAM photobooth shots, I have Jb Neoprints. 📷👻 // Super kaiwaii with @natashawitwicky todayy 🌸🌻🌺

January 31, 2015 at 03:53PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1yX4gCP Orange you glad it's a Saturday and there's no work on a Monday?

January 30, 2015 at 07:36PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1wHKF4a

January 30, 2015 at 06:49PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1tDBC9t Im not lucky, im blessed, yes. Leaving doesnt feel as good as it should and saying all the goodbyes today... arrow to the heart.

January 24, 2015 at 02:16PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1B2ghnr Oh when you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

January 20, 2015 at 06:59PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1yEtUxL Happy things come in bright colours. #lastdaysofintern #singledigitcountdown

January 18, 2015 at 11:44AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1DPwjHf Took a little break from reality, talking of destiny and aunts. All the love for this girll 💕🙌

January 17, 2015 at 11:32AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1uaXWrx It's not what you say that matters, it's what you do. Countless times, this has been proven true. Also, best way to (really) end the week! #justlikekl #doyouhavethatmilkything

January 15, 2015 at 08:36PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/14DvFx6 This was a really good way to (almost) end the week. Starbucks and M&M's with @taofiqmasakazu!

January 10, 2015 at 11:02PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1AXNILB In eyes not yet created, on tongues that are not yet born. I have written you down. Now you will live forever. #bastille

January 10, 2015 at 02:09PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1yNFR3S Start from the bottom now the whole gang here. // POP LOHH. May you always find your strenghts and silver linings wherever you end up. #zaididahpop #zaidipopcherry #zaidi4thcoy ((Tap to find Zaidi))

I find in life, the only way to handle fear is to face it head on. 

We all have secret fears. They may be irrational, they may be petty or they may be very, very real. There are the fears that I won't even voice to my closest friends because if I do that, doesn't that tempt fate? What if it comes true if I put a voice to it? It's like signing my own death warrant.

But these couple months have taught me way more about how I should live life than I ever thought it would. I hated the first half of my internship. It was like every bad dream come to life. It wasn't so much as what I did that made me hate it, it was how it made me feel. I think that's the part that most people didn't get when I moaned about my internship.

 It wasn't the cleaning, the wiping or the general mundaneness of it all. It was feeling underutilized. I knew that I could do so much better - to be put to work into tasks where I could use what I learnt in school, to be challenged and questioned and just to let my brain juices flow. I think it brought back every single childhood memory of being under appreciated, of being underestimated, of being just not enough. Not good enough to given tasks that mean something. I was a child with issues.

I think weirdly, that's my worst fear, of having no one believe that I could be capable of more. So when all I did was clean, it brought my worst fears to life. And you what? I faced it.

The worst thing happened and I faced it. I didn't like it but I faced it.

There's something liberating about having your worst fears stare you in the eye and confront you.
& you may take a pummel and you may fall but at the end of the day, you're still getting by.
You're still moving past.

My worst fears may not be over, they may all be realized soon enough,  but I will get through this.

Trust in the journey that He has planned for you.

December 30, 2014 at 06:11PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/xOh6jzHzbD/ The nights you could cope, Your intentions were gold. But mountains will shake, I need to know I can still make Explosions. 🌋🌌

December 27, 2014 at 06:54PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/xG4hVOHzcY/ & I got that red lip classic thing that you like.

December 25, 2014 at 12:17PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1HEN1a3 Nothing a little chocolate fondue & mindless reality shows can't fix! 👩👧☕

December 25, 2014 at 12:16PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/16S6lWb Nothing a little chocolate fondue & mindless reality shows can't fix! 👩👧☕

December 20, 2014 at 12:26PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1v2WUY9 You've got that James Dean daydream look in your eyes.

And I think of you and miss you the most during the moments I know you're supposed to be here. I miss you so much Nicks.

But I can only imagine how your family is coping. You were so you, so Nicky 🐎,  so calm and accepting and so collected and so Nicky -ish...I cant even describe it. We were blessed with 33 years of you. Sometimes it's like a dream that you're no longer here with us. I wished I had said a proper goodbye. But I don't think that matters now. Im sure you know how loved you are.

December 14, 2014 at 08:30PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/16lwQD2 Congratulations @effagates!! Im so happy I was able to witness this new milestone in your life! Insha Allah, we'll witness more milestones together! I love and miss you girlss 😘😘😘😘 👩👧👩👧

December 09, 2014 at 01:54PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1zHMLnS via @jaggybomb

December 08, 2014 at 05:58PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/12DoxA7 Almost there. 38 days to the end 19, 380 minutes to the end 1, 162, 800 seconds to the end. We're almost there guys.

December 07, 2014 at 11:13AM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1wLYPqo Never not chasing the million things I want. // 🎧 Lorde

November 30, 2014 at 01:43PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/wAzfvKnzRc/ Of Sunday mornings in bed and well spent Saturday nights. // Oh wont you come and rest your bones with me?

November 26, 2014 at 05:05PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1uFHCIe Another day, another fluff! 😍 #80daysofinternship #45daysleft #calizamirinternshipvolumetwo

November 25, 2014 at 11:32PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1uByvbx Before the night ends! 🎂

Sunday's reminder.

I would like to remind myself that even though it hurts right now, it will pass. You will find yourself. You will be okay.

You will be okay.
This too, shall pass

November 20, 2014 at 07:46PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1AmB35I #80daysofinternship #49daysleft

November 16, 2014 at 05:13PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1xE2WSY My life consists of taking selfies and having people ignore my requests to take selfies with me. 👏👏👏

November 12, 2014 at 06:11PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/10UWzyT C for Caliz, C for cupcakes, C for cabbing all the way down from Farrer just to wait in a 30 min line for halal bacon cupcakes. And ondeh ondeh ones. 😍 #80daysofinternship #55daysleft

Be strong.
Do your thing.
Good things will follow.

Let's be quite and true for a moment.

It's 4.21 on a Sunday afternoon and I feel like my life is slowly being torn apart and fed to pigeons. It's not even internship now. Its just life in general.

That is all.

So, twenty three.

Here are thoughts:

1. If I'm doing something for someone, it best be sincere, Because if I expect something in return, I'd be disappointed and that kind of disappointment breaks. I feel like I give and give and give and people don't seem to appreciate that. But if I stop giving because people stop appreciating that, am I really a giver? Have I really be doing all that for the right reasons? I give because I love/respect/adore them and I want them happy so even if they don't give anything back to me, I should just be content in the knowledge that I stayed true to self. That sounds about right. I only wish it was easy to not feel disappointed.

2. Damn, twenty three. In two years, I'll be mid-twenties. Not early twenties.
M I D - T W E N T I E S. What kind of insanity is this?!

3. Ebb and flow of life. Sometimes you're up and sometimes your down. Sometimes you have all the things in the world to say and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes... sometimes you just gotta deal.

4. I am only given as much as I can handle.

5. I will get through this

6. What's three months compared to the rest of my life? It's just a grain of sand on the beach that is my life. #icandothis

7. Happy twenty third, self. 

November 08, 2014 at 11:31PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1GBmehb Balloons, especially unicorns named Lucy, are the keys to happiness in life. Hello twenty three!

November 08, 2014 at 03:09PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1pzjXxN Twenty third. // THANKS FOR THE BALLONS AND EVERYTHING GIRLS 😘😘😘

Twenty Three.

Its the middle of the night and it hits me. IM TWENTY THREE.

Im twenty three and still rely on my parents.
Im twenty three and still dont have a clue about life.
Im twenty three and I'm still floating adrift.  

Im twenty three and I'm still an intern.

Im twenty three and I'm still asking myself why people dont love me. 

Im twenty three and I'm still figuring out who the right and wrong people are. 

Im twenty three and I dont have a solid base to lie upon.
Im twenty three and still these chapters are full of questions. More questions than answers.
Im twenty three and I'm still wondering why people leave me.
Im twenty three and I'm still learning how to be better, to do better.

Im twenty three and im still fighting.

Holy shit. Im 23

Oh man, life's getting hard. Sometimes life's like chapter after chapters of goodbye.

November 01, 2014 at 10:06PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/10b0QxZ Be forgiving. Everyone's just trying to do the best they can with what they have. xx

November 01, 2014 at 12:18PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1trpBAf Something about Friday's. xx

October 30, 2014 at 01:37PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1tECg4e #80daysofinternship #64daysleft #calizandsusu4eva

October 29, 2014 at 04:53PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1zI36Nt So crumble. Collapse This is not your destruction. This is your birth. #80daysofinternship #65daysleft #gostronger

October 28, 2014 at 01:36PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1Do4SzR So near but so far! Thanks for lunch Nats! Highlight of my dayyyy 😘😘😘 #80daysofinternship #66daysleft

Do you ever feel sad or lonely, or like the world's leaving you alone tonight?

Cause im sad and lonely and scared. It feels like im never gonna figure anything out. Im never gonna get it right and ill always be stuck somewhere wrong.

I hate nights like these.

October 27, 2014 at 01:06PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1rIV3XC Everything I am is because of you. Everything you've sacrificed has led me here. And thank you for laughing your head off when I told you the things I do during internship. Thanks uh ma. 😂😂 #80daysofinternship #67daysleft #mummytakemeawayfromhere

October 26, 2014 at 03:33PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1zaho8s It's in the little things. Like calling and making time for me when I need you. You are endlessly appreciated and loved! 😘😍😘😍

October 24, 2014 at 02:07PM

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1sWkVlN Remember when the hardest part the day was getting to school on time? #80daysofinternship #71moredays