midnight

Sometimes I feel like I'm a million and one different people stuffed into one earthbound body-like a little bit of everyone is in me. Every time I try to define myself, all the words flow, in all directions and they flow by so fast it's like I can't even catch one of them so - so in the end I am defined by nothing. I am the nothing and the nobody beside you, drifting from place to place - trying to find my anchors in life.

I ask myself so many question and so many times, I get no answers. It literally scares the hell out of me when I look at myself in the mirror and try to find the answers - because don't they say the answers are within us? I find no answers. I look deeper and sometimes all that I can see and the demons that have won. So many of them tearing under my skin, trying to get out. To sin again, and again and again- because it's so easy to sin.

So easy to give in and pretend that I had to other choice or that there will be chances in the future not to sin.The reality of me is that I say and do what I'd think you want me to say and do. Is it possible to mold yourself thin? To be so fake that it becomes who you are.