My Mother's 52nd Birthday. 3 Dec 2011

I'll be the first one to admit it, that i can be the devil's own, but Mummy, you've always been there and you've been the strongest glue for the 4 of us. I've seen the way you sacrifice everything for us and I adore you for being that strong, for doing whatever it takes for your family. When I grow up, my only wishes are that I become as strong as you are and that I am able to let you and Daddy live the way you want. My home is always with you guys, and you guys with me, even if I end up marrying a rich tycoon, you guys will always and forever be my first priority. I love you unlimitedly, and for me, you are the perfect mother.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY ♥

I'VE GOT TO FIND SOMETHING TO DO OR IM GOING TO FALL OUT OF MY HEAD. OK? THANK YOU. 

now for some lunch. chicken wings guise? (: 

You know how we'd always say that we'd grow up and nothing will change? News flash. Everything changes and there'll be times where you'll be grateful for every change. 

I am grateful for: 

- my past, knowing what i did, the mistakes i've made and the goals i've yet to achieve.

- always knowing where how was

- growing up, really growing up. realizing what/who was important and what/who was not. 

- knowing, always knowing that no matter what, we move on. every hurt, every bruise, every happy memory, we trudge on and then one day we'll look back and say "damn i was good" 

27 Nov 2011/ Coffee Bean with Alif.

Can I just say something? I love your morals. And I'm liking who you are. You impress me that's for sure. Now if only I could learn to be patient and get past all the waiting ):

xx

R32

Project for the next few weeks: Getting speech ready for Republic Poly's admission.

Need to:
- research on what exactly rp is looking for.
- analysis on DC&ID (R32) course objective + course structure
- relating rp's objectives with my abilities.
- full cause and effect. (e.g.

Don't say society is ugly because you are society. You dictate what is and isn't acceptable, so if you want change, be the change.

xx

Some times I wonder if my friends will get tired of me, look through me and see that everything's a lie. See that I'm jumpy and I'm wrong and inconsistant. But then I rmb that we're all fighting this fight. Some times I wish that it could be easy.

xx

Glitter digits, bling bling!

Glitter baby. 

my ray of sunshine today. 

pure gems.

Things left to do:

- throw yo garbage.
- finish cleaning brushes
- nail care
- clean mirror
- clean table
- put away clothes
- vacuum?


productive day no? HAHAHAHA.

Sometimes i feel ugly but then i look at my mum. and i know i'm gonna be drop dead gorgeous cause she is. Anyway, it's what's inside that counts cause beauty shines from the inside. No matter how prudy you look, if you have an ugly heart, you'd just a hollow shell.  capisce?

xxx

December's coming which means the new year's starting. Which means, applications for Republic will be open soon. 

one word: holyshitwhatifidontgetinfuckfuckfuckfucknowaitpositivethinkingiwillgetin. 

xx

Nothing to do on a sunday evening. tsk.

Things I need to get done:

• bank transfer for smoochiez

                  - 14.19: rainbow top

                  - 21.90: scallop shorts

• buy sandals (19.90)
• head to tp @ 6

Photos from Hari Raya Haji, 2011

I may hate you sometimes, and most of the time we fight like cats and dogs but it was nice to see you really concern when I was vomiting.. thanks(:

I realize that this is a never-ending cycle. For me, it just gets too much, this love-hate-love-hate, oh god! when will it stop?! This is why i think that if people step out of their comfort zones more often and be straight-forward with what they want or what they feel then half of the stress in life would be cut away.
However ideal it may seem, just to be straight-forward with one another, even i have to admit that it's easier said than done.

I honestly love you guys, but i feel suffocated with all the undercurrents in the room. can we just go back? I love all of you.

twentyyears.

So how does it feel being 20?

It feels old. and heavy.
It feels like a million things at once but on the other hand,
it still feels like me.

Only not.
Now I'm not a teen, I'm not young and carefree.
If you thought 19 was old, wait till the min hand changes and you're 20.

I'm changing.
Turning 20 without accomplishment, without a niche in life,
Without knowing, without feeling in my bones that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Right track/Wrong train
Wrong train/Right track

When life is a muddle of lessons learnt,
how do you piece it together?
How do you say this lesson was learnt so I would do (this)
and not use the lesson in the wrong context.

Never trust a red car,
But then what if another red car could save your life?

Here's hoping. 

xx

Just rmbed how I kept shouting "hurry up bitch" at herman yesterday when he was using the ATM yest. Good times.

All things normal, making sense have left my body. 

I've come to realize something. That all this while, I've been thinking too much. Reading too much in everyones actions. Sometimes I even feel more like a spectator than a real life human, living my own life. Every action accounted for, every word written down and every thought taken into consideration. I cannot life like this. I know I cannot. But it's hard to take new steps, into misty places that have never been touched. Life is unpredictable. Death is certain and happiness, is not guaranteed. 

I will be turing 20 in two days. and it's scary. It's like a big mothefucking red flashing siren saying "Responsibility starts today". I've made so many mistakes in my life that I dont know whether I am able to responsible. To answer for my actions. I mean, I think if I put my mind to it, it can. But what if I relapse? And become a nobody? 

So many questions. So many different answers. So just say you wanna stay.