Snaps in class

Maybe if I had a good phone, I'd be contented. Maybe if I lost weight and became skinny, I'd be contented. Maybe if I became pretty, I'd be contented. Maybe if I got smarter, I'd be contented. Maybe if more people were my friends, I'd feel contented. Maybe if my family loved me to pieces, I'd be contented. Maybe if I had a bestest best friend, I'd be contented.

That's a whole lot of maybe's and not enough yes's. 

I don't know what's wrong only that there's something missing in my heart. 

Fix me?

Had breakfast with the girls today, oh my tummy is cramping so hard right now. No rich foods for me. Maybe for dinner.. hehhe.
- hang clothes / wash them
- clear desk
- buy watermelon ice blended
- get out OB notes.
- get ready for tmr

Promises.

If I work hard this week, I will treat myself to a trip to H&M over next weekend.

Maybe get this lovely piece,

LIST LIST LIST!

First List.

Running Low.
- Cotton makeup wipes
- Cotton buds
- Blusher
- Cream blusher

Hello half week that when to hell.

Monday : Dumb Faci does not release RJ and Quiz. Have to do it on Tuesday. (Have yet to do it)

Tuesday: Maths RJ does not go through. Email Faci, given 15 min deadline. Relies only after deadline is way, way, way over. Special thanks to the fucked up broadband of RP.

Wednesday: CPPS. nuff said. Oh and drama was . . . not something I wanted to spend my time doing.

{e m o t i o n a l p o s t c o m i n g u p}

"You're bringing me down and this morning is bad enough as it is" 

I change my emotions to anger. I guess you wouldn't know it by looking at how I act, but it's in me. 

It's when I'm most silent that I'm cursing and swearing and visually killing every person in my way. And you know what? I'm sick of doing that. 

I'm sick of being angry inside all the time. I'm sick of failing all the time. I'm sick of not thinking things through. I'm sick of not being able to control what I do, what I eat, where I go. Gahhh, I'm sick of second doubting myself. 

Yet, I'm proud of myself. Of how far I've come and how normal I feel sometimes. But nothing last forever. 

Another thing that bothers me is that according to Maslow's Hierarchy Theory, I've yet to fulfill the third tier, the social criteria. I have friends. Just not ones who'll be there for everything. I have family. Just one I rarely see and one that treats me less than family. I have religion. Just one that I don't understand and dare I say, one that I cannot feel in my heart. I should feel god all around me. I do feel Allah S.A.W  but there are so many sins that I've committed. Will He still love me if I sin? Will He accept me if I repent, or is it something they just say? Am I ready to repent? And if I repent, will I be able to keep it that way? I don't want to say I'll wait till I get married to understand Islam. I want to understand now but I don't know if I'm ready to repent. 

I guess that's the gist of the matter. I know I'm evil. I do stupid dumb things that bring everything down. 

I'm causally agreeable to be around with, but nothing serious. 

I am disliked by some of my aunts

I am looked down upon in my family

I was not loved by my late grandmother. 

Nobody can love me, maybe not even Allah? 

Ya Allah, Please just let this be a test of strength. I'll keep trying if you're there. Guide me to where I'm supposed to be. Put me in the right place and in the right time. Open my heart wider to your love. Make me whole. I know I'm a sinner. I know I fall more times than I fly but don't condemn me yet. 

It's nice to be acknowledged. It doesn't show, but I'm super happy right now. I hope I stay on course.

Wendy's Lunch

Went to the saloon with Nabilla & Sally. 

I already miss those girls. 

WENDY'S SOON! 

Game. Set. Match. 

Look, Bones, I love you. 

Wouldn't you want a Booth to say that to you? Le sigh.

I would have graduated if I stayed in Tp. I would have achieved something. I would have lost my soul but I would have achieved something. This stint in RP seems useless now. But the show must go on. Le sigh.

"If you ever had an asthma attack before you're short of breath, wheezing, the only thing you're trying to do is get some air. You don’t care about a basketball game, you don’t care about what’s on T.V., you don’t care about anybody calling you, you don’t care about a party. The only thing you care about when you're trying to breathe is to get some fresh air. That’s it! And when you get to the point where all you want to do is be successful as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful. Most of you say you want to be successful but you don’t want it bad, you just kind of want it. You don’t want it badder than you want to party. You don’t want it as much as you want to be cool. Most of you don’t want success as much as you want sleep. Some of you lost sleep more than you lost success. If you're going to be successful you have to be willing to give up sleep" -Eric Thomas 

Love, Me. 

WHAT? ANOTHER B? 

damn, expectation too high and cannot be met. my eyes are a quarter of a second away from closing and this is all I have to say for myself. I have to stop trying to compete with others. My grades are my own. my story is my own. My strengths are my own. My weaknesses are my own.

Stop playing a fool and start concentrating. 

but it all just feels so useless now. After poly what is there? Work then? Death? Family? Friends? What can someone just give me an answer because I'm on shaky ground and so close to sinking in.

You know feminist jokes or racist jokes or any kind of hurtful jokes? They only have as much power as you give them.

It scares me when they say that the quietest people have the loudest minds. I mean, does it mean because I speak my mind and want to grab the best time possible that my mind is dead silent?That I dont think?  I think that the phrase was said by some quite guy who want to console himself on not having a good time. Being quite and listening pays off, but sometimes you have to let loose and see where you mouth takes you.

xx

ps. School's okay, I'm fine, I'm studying so it's all good. 

ESN EVENT - HPB 21 March 2012

My kids for the day, Group A1! 

Yasmin playing Knock It Down

After all the activities, Brock, Yasmin, Rebbeca, Lola & Shauna

Lola being cute!

Cleo 

Made her cry today. HAHAH

Kate playing Knock It Down

Class couple

Cheeezeeeeeeee!

Wanita Dalam Hitam degan Mirldawati A.Hassan (19 March 2012)

So Watis & I watched The Woman In Black recently and to get to our seats we had to shimmy past this lady who gave us like 3 inches to walk past. 3 f-ing inches. I think she just wanted a lap dance. You know, she could have just asked, I'm sure Watis would have obliged.

Hello/Goodbye Money!

Forever 21 USD $8.80

Forever 21 USD $6.80

Forever 21 USD $4.80

H&M $24.90

I miss being loved. I miss being needed. I miss looking around and seeing people i love. I miss having someone but for right now, having someone is just not worth it. You know what it'd cost. It'd cost a arm and limb and just about everything that I cant possible lose right now.


 but boy, do I miss being special to someone.

     

I hate the streets I used to roam.

Tips for the future.

Tip#1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you.
Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.

Tip #3: Don’t plan dates.

Sushi Rice

3 cups uncooked sushi rice or sticky rice
3 cups water
½ cup rice vinegar
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt

1. Wash the rice and rinse thoroughly.
2. Place rice and water in a rice cooker and set until cooked. Alternately, place rice and water in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat, reduce to a simmer, and cook covered until done, 35 to 45 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, mix together the rice vinegar, sugar and salt in a small saucepan; cook over medium heat until sugar has dissolved. Allow to cool.
4. Put the cooked rice into a large mixing bowl; pour the vinegar sauce over the hot rice and mix. Allow to cool slightly before using in sushi recipes.
   
   

Deadline: 13 March 2012

• Daddy's letter + Cpf note
• Passport sized photo scanned in
• Camp form to be completed
• Double check enrollment
• Books to be returned
• Borrow: One Salt Sea - Seanan McGuire 

Valley's & Peaks: 10 March 2010

Gonna post a quick on because I'm running on 20% battery life left.

Peaks: Got to sleep in (again) woke up to calls from R & my uncle, it's always nice to hear from friends. Started out my day with finishing the last lib book I had, it turned out to be such a good book, I read till 4 in the afternn. Anyway, had my watermelon ice blend plus a chocolate waffle for lunch after that, then headed out to the lib to return/borrow book. Guess what? Found the three other installments for the book I read in the morning, so i picked them all up and was in and out of the lib within 10 mins. Some kind of record I would say! Moving on, read/surfed the net while waiting for my mum to come home so we could head to my aunts place for dinner cum family gathering. And oh what a dinner it was! Spagetti, Asam Pedas (Stingray & fish!!), Ikan Kicap, Stir Fired Veggies and CEREAL PRAWNS. Also had an laugh-a-min time with my family there, with all the kate spades & coach bags been "modeled" for sale there. ah, good times you guys. Let's hope that no matter how far apart I may grow from them, that I may also remember happy moments like this. ♥

Valleys: Felt bad for not saying Hi to you, felt even worst when you remembered my name. But in my defense, you looked so different! Also, originally had plans to go teach N english then head to Bugis with R&T but T had other plans so I kinda got lazy to head over to N's house. I am the worst tuition teacher ever. Room is officially labeled messy and I havent followed through with my promise to go to the gym. I break out in shivers every time I think about it ( I exaggerate)  And and and, I had to rely on spellcheck for the duration of this post. Spelling not getting any better ): Oh and 1 am and i'm craving for cereal prawns. wtf.

Seanan McGuire - October Daye Novels

Found a new series to read! One down, three to go!

lovess xx

Valleys & Peaks: 9 March 2012

Peaks: Got to sleep into today, heaven compared to the past days. Then I got to laze about, finishing two books I borrowed. A third will be finished tonight as soon as I get my dinner. After lazing around got ready and went out with A and got to visit the smoochiezz flea. Make up was nice today, grey & brown smokey eye and the usual strong brows. Found a packet of Honey Mustard Pretzels that cost only 1.10 at the Korean Supermarket over at Far East Plaza ( Bought two packs!! )Bought some small thing at the flea, cost only 3 buck so why not right? Had a nice breezy walk home alone with just the wind and my thoughts. Came home and HIMYM Season 7's almost done downloading. Might be done by 3 in the morning. Room's pretty clean? Decided to sign up for the camp today, whether I go or not is another matter. Herman tagged me in a funny assed vid! Getto Dora! Oh and found a wonderful new singer on youtube, Chloe T. Also, got 6 bucks plus dinner from Ddy today! Save moneyy!

 Valleys: Not sure what to do tmr, thought of going for Nk's Holi thing but Fz & Sq arent going so maybe not huh? So negative responses from them kinda bright me down a little. Texted and facebooked H if he was gg to M's to teach N (as I'm gonna do tmr morning) and abosolutly no response. Maybe he'll reply later? I hate not getting replies to my msges. (not that I'm pissed or anything) Came back home to an empty pitch black household. Oh wait, it wasnt empty just that everyone locked themselves in their rooms. *this is not a home, it's a house. i'm financially unstable. Running really low on cash, 30 dollars for the rest of the month low. Feeling kinda lonely these days. That's all I'll say about it.


***If you judge people, you have no time to love them. 

Triple Chocolate Caramel Brownies