Sometimes, I really  don't know what to do with myself.


And sometimes my imagination kicks into hyperdrive and I have


THE BEST DAY DREAMS EVER.


& i promise you if my vacation is ruined because of issues...
THERE WILL BE A WHOLE NEW BLOODY ISSUE TO SORT OUT. AND IT'D PROBABLY BE YOUR BODY.

we clear?

27 Things That Will Make Your Life Easier, Period | Thought Catalog

27 Things That Will Make Your Life Easier, Period | Thought Catalog

August 28, 2013 at 11:52PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/dkATBPnzfm/ Favorite tuesday bunch ♥

Oh dang.

Cookies for cock-ups?

My laptop went scroll-tastic and is.now on the fritz. Obv, I'm posting via  my HTC.

So um, cookies anybody??

Under lock and ego.

All along, it was a fever.
A cold sweat hot-headed believer.
I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer"
- Stay, Rihanna ft Mikky Ekko

I think all along I've been believing that people have the intention of doing wrong by me. Maybe that's why I tend to go off the chart at the first hint of a slash. Truth is, unintentionally, we slash and grind at each other all the time. Words, or actions are like sandpaper to us. They grind a person down.

And when you grind and grind, you tend to hit the core - and my core is sensitive.

If I were to be honest - and push aside my ego and pride - I'd have to say that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to all the people who I've pushed away - believing that your intention was to hurt me.
I'm sorry to all the people who I've grinned down -my actions and words sometimes aren't filtered.
I'm really really sorry to those who tried to reach out only to feel me pull away. Sometimes my ego and hurt get the best of me.

Sometimes it's not them - it's you.

And maybe I've lost friends because of this. And maybe I tell them that I can't give a damn. And maybe I think about them ever so often. And maybe I have our pictures up on a board so I never lose sight of their smile and everything we've shared.

And maybe I miss them but then maybe it's too little to late.

Questions to ask people

1. What is one thing you will never do again?

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?

3. What happened the last time you cried?

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?

6. What’s your worst habit?

7. What superpower would you have for one day?

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on?

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve?

11. Who knows you the best?

12. What after school activities did you do in high school?

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive?

14. What’s the last book you really loved?

15. What was the greatest television show of all time?

16. What’s been your favorite age so far?

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it?

19. Apologize or ask permission?

20. Unlimited love or money?

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?

22. What’s your most listened to song?

23. Beach vacation or European vacation?

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at?

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with?

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about?

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around?

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far?

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker?

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

34. Do you believe in karma?

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person?

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem?

38. What is something you’re superstitious about?

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had?

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized?

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible?

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news?

44. What is the best present you’ve ever received?

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life?

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day?

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom?

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you?

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view?

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has?

“Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.”

I have never regretted leaving any of my boyfriends behind, but I think 80 years from now, I'd regret leaving all my friends behind. 

I should've said I missed you,

I should've said  what I felt. 

I should've fix it when I had the chance. 

I am the hero of this story; 

I don't need to be saved.

August 24, 2013 at 09:12AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/dYIXWDHzWo/ Last Friday with counseling classmates. Andy, true to nature, gave us something better than pizza!

You know there will be days 

When you're so tired 

That you can't take another step 

The nights will have no stars 

And you'll think you've gone as far 

As you will ever get 

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes that they were somewhere else
But in the end the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

- Can't go back now, The Weepies

my shit list is so long I practically have more people on it than off it.
seems like everybody agreed to piss me of this week
i'm done here.

and numb.
so very, very numb.

Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do
I still miss you babe.

With me, there's a limit. It's a very flexible limit but once you break it, you'll cease to exist to me.  

Guys, this is chicken pole dancing. 

*

*

*

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE CHICKEN? 

 I know beautiful friendships are from love

 because when you hear their voices —

 no matter how long it’s been or 

how much of their lives have become a mystery to you —

 it will sound like home.

from here.

August 16, 2013 at 06:35PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/dEigKjnzcL/ Got you back. So farnie!

August 13, 2013 at 10:36PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/c9PpVQHzSW/ @nrlamrxh & @zahidbinmalik satu happy, satu takut nak mampos.

August 13, 2013 at 06:41PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/c80vJMnzUm/ Is it too late to back out? :(

August 13, 2013 at 12:57AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/c67AkBnzTm/ All big girl, big boy already! #rayahugs

August 11, 2013 at 11:06PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/c4JcKBHzdT/ Family. Duty. Honor.

If I were in a culture that it would be okay to leave home once you turn 18, these suckers would have stopped seeing me 5 years ago.

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

And watchin' you walk away

August 04, 2013 at 03:42PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/clVEB8nzYb/ I hope you feel the hurt that i feel. I hope you it crushes you like a goddamn truck, that sinking feeling of loss. I hope that when you look me you lose your smile. I hope that everytime you visit old memories, im there, so everytime you think of me, i hope you hurt so bad. I hope that you move on and forget me, then one day see me again and it hits you like a train how much you've missed. I hope when you've got new friends, they'll know you but it'll never be the same. But most of all, i hope you still think about me.

The truth.

The horrible truth about best friends are that they might not be the happiness parade you've expected. They, very literally, are just the few people among the whole bunch of people are better than the rest. Unfortunately, this whole, "better than the rest" deal only works if you have pretty good friends already. 

Oh and the whole "We're BFFLS" (Best Friends For Life Suckers) is not a mutually exclusive deal. You can call someone your BFFLS but you might not be their BFFS. 

Shocking, no? 

July 29, 2013 at 08:50AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/cVJMxWHzRv/ It's here again.

July 25, 2013 at 07:34PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/cL_swSHzTl/ @hazzywanie eh, ni macam.kenal aje! Hahahah

13 Life Lessons As Taught By ‘Bridesmaids’ | Thought Catalog

13 Life Lessons As Taught By ‘Bridesmaids’ | Thought Catalog

1. The correct term is “Chicks Before Dicks.”

You know what I love most about this movie? The fact that guys in it aren’t that important? Do you know the name of the actor who plays Maya Rudolph’s husband? No, because it’s not about them. It’s an ode to the power of friendship, and the fact that your relationships with your friends are just as important (if not moreso) than yours with your partner. They are the ones who are there for you on your 30th birthday when you pass out drunk in the bathtub and will love you when if you have food all over your teeth.

2. Fight Club themes are inappropriate Bachelorette Party fodder.

Also inappropriate: Pixar, Eyes Wide Shut, Two Girls One Cup, the TV showOz, fracking, The Human Centipede, Russian roulette, Breaking Bad, Jonestown and Fifty Shades of Grey. I think Ann Coulter is saving the Holocaust for her wedding, so that’s out.

3. If your plane is about to crash, now is the time to experiment with lesbianism.

For most straight-ish girls I know, this also applies to your Junior year of college — or if you go to Smith or Wellesley, your entire college experience. Today’s vocab: “BUG,” Bi Until Graduation, as in: “He’s caught the BUG.” This also applies to almost every guy I dated in high school.

4. No one wants to be around the person who spends all their time feeling sorry for themselves.

Melissa McCarthy put it best: You have to fight for your shitty life. Almost everyone has gone through something (or is going through it right now), and we’re great at making excuses for ourselves. Sometimes it’s just easier to sit on your couch, eat yourself to death and watch Cast Away than to get up and do something about it. We feel powerless, scared and alone. But you’re only as powerless as you let yourself feel. Only you have the ability to change your life, which entails that you stop moping, get up and do something about it.

5. Also, you can’t blame other people for your problems.

Well, you can, but what does it get you? If you are able to come up with one good answer to this question, I’ll eat my computer. (Which would be painful, so please don’t make me.)

6. Melissa McCarthy is the ultimate spirit animal.

Don’t you kind of want to be her, or at least be her best friend? I picture us eating a lot of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing together.

7. Real friends push you to be better.

You know you’ve found a great friend when they don’t put up with your crap. Recently I had lunch with a friend who told me, quite candidly, that she was upset with me and expected more out of me, that I was better than the decisions I’d been making lately. (She also had Christmas presents for me, which made this easier to hear. Amazon gift cards make everything better.) Your friends want the best for you, which entails you being the best you. They are willing to have the hard conversations and put in the work of actual friendships. They’re willing to do not just what is easy, but what is best for you in the long run.

8. If you shit in it, you buy it.

I feel like this should be common sense, but you should never go to a random Brazilian place before you have to try on anything white. It’s Murphy’s Law: Anything that can happen will happen in public, including taking a dump in the street. And if you have to get food poisoning and embrass yourself in front of a bunch of strangers who are all honking at you, it’s best if what you’re getting sick in isn’t incredibly expensive. You should have just gone with the cool dress with the pockets.

9. Mean girls have problems, too.

You know that girl in high school who was so pretty and perfect?Bridesmaids shows us that girl was fucked up inside, just like you. She’s mean-spirited, clingy, competitive and has an obsessive desire to appear wealthy and glamorous at all times — so much so that her butler hands out freshly squeezed lemonade to guests. But that desire to be better than everyone else might also be her compensating for something else — feeling a lack of love. You could cast her aside as just being a one-dimensional bitch, or realize that these qualities make her flawed and human. You might even realize you have a couple things in common. Crazy talk, I know.

10. Vaguely Irish accents make everyone hotter.

No offense to Chris O’Dowd, but being from Ireland took his hotness scale up about 10 points. Compare his stealthily cute Irish police officer to his role as Jessa’s surprise husband in Girls. One of these characters is the guy you’d want to take home to Mom, and the other one makes me uncomfortable to think about. Accents are magic.

11. You can’t just pretend to speak Spanish.

Well, you can. You’re just going to look like a fool. If you want to pretend to speak something, pick a language that almost no one speaks, like Esperanto. No one will know the difference.

12. Female competition is exhausting and gets no one anywhere.

Like Mean Girls before it, Bridesmaids smartly skewers the culture of female competition, where women can’t be happy for their girlfriends unless they are happier and more successful than they are. (Fact: Guys do this, too, because despite the publishing industry’s insistence, men and women aren’t that different.) But this just leads us down a shame spiral where we only judge our self-worth based on other peoples’ accomplishments, none of which makes us any healthier or happier. We can tear each other down and hijack their wedding by being a cookie-destroying pain in the ass, or we can let go and stop trying to have it all. You might realize your life is pretty good as is.

13. Wilson Phillips is the ultimate jam.

I always really liked “Hold On,” but that’s because I have a weird obsession with everything even remotely related to the Beach Boys — which includes their musical progeny. But it seems like Bridesmaids brought this song back into the lives of almost everyone I know, because while being strangely catchy in that Rick Astley way, the themes resonate. “You’ve got no one to blame for your happiness/You got yourself into this own mess.” It’s also damn fun to sing along to in your car with your friends or in your kitchen. Dance like no one else is watching.

July 25, 2013 at 09:06AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/cK35M0Hzan/ On a scale of 1 to infinty, how cute do these shades look? ... We're agree on infinity right? Right.

July 24, 2013 at 11:58PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/cJ5HFRnzUI/ Yearly iftar with fuchunians.

July 23, 2013 at 08:29AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/cFp-d2HzYM/ It's a I wanna go away kinda day.

Things that need to happen:

• genting 2013
• running shoes 
• geting my hard disk fixed. 
• driving license
• fairylights in my room 
• paint

Do you realize that you cannot go back to the person you were, 3 hours ago? Does that scare you, excite you. . . change you?

July 12, 2013 at 12:37AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bofRyVHzaN/ Bus ride home from seeing The Addams Family Musical. IT WAS #AMAZABALLS.

July 10, 2013 at 08:54PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/blhAJ7nzYG/ Here's wishing my darling, @afiqahrei the best 21st possible. May this day and many more be amazing and wonderful and full of love! I love you for who you are, the sweetest person I know! BFFS OKAY? K SAYANG KAU. BYE.

I don't know if you can tell, but I've been feeling very numb lately. okay not numb. but angry and alone. and bitter and a l o n e.



So today I went to see a counselor about about it. & basically, it seems that I'm still in grief about losing a pretty significant friendship. what.

I don't know

I understand that I say a lot of shit. I understand that sometimes it seems like I think I'm all that and that nothing gets to me and nothing hurts me. Do you honestly think that that is the case? Don't you think that at the core of it all, I'm a genuinely good person? That I try, at every opportunity to help my friends, to make sure that they know that they're loved and cared for?

I don't know why it's so easy for me to fake it in front of some people and not others.
I don't know why I pick fights when all I want to do is burst out with all these fucking issues
I don't know why I get mad about petty things
I don't know why I want, no need to be the best - when I'm nothing
I don't know why my emotions are like a roller coaster ride
I don't know why I feel so insignificant
I just don't know.

July 05, 2013 at 11:21PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bY51yHnzcu/ 5th July 2013

July 05, 2013 at 11:03PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bY3ucPnzZc/ I don't get to meet them often, but when I do, it's like magic. Like hot and cold magic #cantwaitforgenting

boom.

Waiting for this baby to arrive // Asos.com

Class 6D 2003

hello.

June 30, 2013 at 09:57AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bKl0HQHzXh/ Nabil

June 28, 2013 at 10:53PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bG1A2KnzVf/ Monthly movie date with @imsyafiqsalleh awesome and humble people guys!!

June 26, 2013 at 09:20PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bBgxWmHzVa/ So my cousin called me out of the house to look at the "haze" THEN HE & ABG LOCKED ME OUT. #revengewillbesweet

June 26, 2013 at 09:12PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/bBf2rdHzUX/ Dot your brownies with loveeeee.

June 25, 2013 at 07:09PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/a-s-32HzRR/ In the placea, people and things around you. For there is beauty in the darkness as well as the light.

June 23, 2013 at 11:00PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/a592VdnzXT/ Runaways: super cool.

June 23, 2013 at 03:54PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/a5NFFcnzRN/ Stuck in the kiddy room and even they tak layan! Hahahah

June 22, 2013 at 12:35AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/a0_GgdnzdD/ Friday night's are exciting as hell.

June 21, 2013 at 10:48AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/azgg5Hnzb2/ "I couldn't reach school on time because I couldn't find my way through the haze."

June 21, 2013 at 10:47AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/azgYBAnzbd/ Ninja @saradzarrel!

Bucket list

1. Stand on one of the beaches in thailand with a fedora & shades on
2. Go to a restaurant that sells creme brulee
3. Eat the creme brulee
4. Spend a week alone in a holiday resort (& not die)
5. Wake up early & see the sun rise

30 Ways To Make Your 20s Better | Thought Catalog

30 Ways To Make Your 20s Better | Thought Catalog

June 20, 2013 at 06:33PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/axw631nzQC/ My little pony after it. Blergh.

This is not a home this is a hotel room.

June 19, 2013 at 08:40AM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/auIN36HzfR/ ............................................................................................................................................................................................................

Somewhere along the line I feel like I tripped - and lost my being. Like it feel out of my pocket and I just . . . I just never picked it up.

And then like coins in a damaged pocket or gains of rice through your finger, everything I thought I was slipped away. The people I loved, the things I held dear, the ideals. It's like it all - like nothing mattered anymore

I'm lost and I'm going back and forth trying to find the missing bits but it's all gone.


just

all gone.

The person who said that there were good days & bad days failed to mention that the bad days seem to go on for an infinity.

I feel like I'm living two different lives.

When I'm out with other people I've got to smile and pretend everything's alright. And for the most part, it is. It's alright.

But then I get home and it's dreary and heavy. Like a flood thick toffee syrup pushing down on your back, drowning you down and you want to stand but it's too icky to do so.

By the way, I didn't really mean the last entry. I guess I wrote that in a burst of anger and I hate how mean I was. But what I hate even more is how this is affecting M. I wish I could change it all for M. Find her someone that treasures her properly. To allow her to go relax and do what ever she wants. I wish things would be different for her - that she never married D and never had kids. I'd give up everything I have in this world to see her happy. I must work harder from now on. If not for me, for M.

because I love you so.

Don't tell me to shut up.

It's not my fault that you're a worthless, good for nothing, lazy, useless person. If you were a person of good character, maybe it wouldn't be so bad that you haven't worked in 10 years and you've been buming off your wife who works 12 hour shifts to support the entire family.

Anything happens and the first thing you do is hide like a coward but when you're in the spotlight or anything good happens? You take all the credit. You'd sell your own family to make other people happy. And you know what? Your "friends" the one you spend all your time with? They're not gonna run to your  rescue when you're in trouble. Your wife has been doing that and how do you repay her? By spending her money and all your time away. When push comes to a shove, all you care about is your lazy ass and how you can better relax.

Round of applause for the best pathetic excuse for a human bejng alive.

June 16, 2013 at 12:38PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/am1EezHzUK/ Nothing makes my morning better than Mummy's fried carrot cake! #zebest

June 15, 2013 at 10:40PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/alVPTQnzTe/ Worked with @afiqahrei today! So glad she was available. Also ended up in the same event as my cousin! @shazlynh!! Both made my day so funnnnnn! Sayang korangggg!

June 12, 2013 at 10:38PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/admmQvnzcE/ Woo! Midnight, not quite.

June 04, 2013 at 02:21PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/aIHUvbHzbv/ Banana Mango smoothie for this oven baked Tuesday

June 04, 2013 at 12:26PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/aH6NLNHzSF/ Maybe dreams were never meant to be held tight. Maybe they were always met to be set free to take flight?

Been so bored with my room lately, so maybe it's time for a makeover?

First Draft: RVNB + RVCCNB

June 02, 2013 at 09:17PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/aDtZFXnzfF/ Sunday night's with Harry & Sally!

Dreams 1 & 2 June 2013

I've been having weird dreams lately. Okay maybe just for the past two days...

2 June 2013
Today I dream that all my friends and i were in the same school but in a polytechnic level. Then I was on a quest to bump into H. Like really figuring out ways. But I couldnt just go up to him because I hated him, we were fighting, I think (you see?! Even in my dreams we fight) then I heard that this other person was meeting him for lunch, and then I got really sad. Like really sad. Then it got weirder, I found myself at some ahbengs house and his house was full of people & I was with another girl that I felt I knew well. I then made a fool of myself and then something else happened so I hid under the table. The table got unreasonably short for some reason.. so when I tried to get out from the table, everything on top almost fell over and broke. But when I did get out from underneath the table, there were fishes in rectangular plastic containers on there. Then blahblahnnlah, I forgot what happened, but we were walking through a zoo-like exhibition, and like all the creatures were the ah beings pets. Oh and I got the feeling the the girl I was with and the ahbeng never met each other before and they sort of got together after that meeting?

1 June 2013
Then the day before that, I had this strange dream where I was arguing with this dude about what roti john is called in English. I was so sure that it was johnny tie, and this other dude said it was johnny skinny. And then I woke up and the first thing I though of was that thank god the other dude was wrong also... Because, you know, its neither. This was a funny one!

Doesn't matter the hits or the swells or the punches to the stomach that I get every time I over think, I will overcome this.


 I will breathe easy one day
xx

May 31, 2013 at 09:37PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/Z-mFskHzVk/ The things RP allows me to do. If you'd like your DNA extracted by me please contact 97530853. (I'm just kidding, don't call that number, I don't know who it belongs to) #thankyourp

I was about to say that my life is now solely punched with thoughts of you and that's why I was / am feeling lonely. The I sat up ( I was lying down ) to type that down and you know how when your thoughts become tangible, they suddenly shine with truth?

The truth is that I don't miss you. I mean, it's not only you. I think all my life, people drop by and they make me smile, they make me laugh and most importantly, they steal apart of me. And then just like that, they leave - and yes. They take away apart of me. I don't know how I can be so whole but so empty at the same time.

May 30, 2013 at 07:29PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/Z7yoNenzc5/ Thought of the day.

i think it's better to keep it all inside. Because that way I can deny it all - but oh wait - 

deny what? 

You are, you are the prove,
that love is beautiful
You are, you are the truth, 
something unusual

- The Only One, Hot Chelle Rae

May 29, 2013 at 07:20PM

via Instagram http://instagram.com/p/Z5M1oxnzTO/ Always remember, even when others don't.