midnight

I've always known that I cannot hold things too close or too dear, for all things fall apart and with them so does my heart. Friendships,items and stories. I think the worst of the lot are the stories. When they end and I have to leave that world, it brings me down just a little. You may say that the characters weren't real but they're real enough for me. All the love and sadness. The flow of power through every word; gone.

Where do I go from there? What do I do? I can't go back because in this world, only moving forward counts.I guess it's the same as everything else really, everything has a time limit.

A friend once told me that she felt her friendship (with another one) had a time limit. Looking back, I wish I could force myself to understand that in that one statement, there was something crucial that I needed to understand.

 I needed to understand that everything has a time limit. Not certain friendships, no certain books, not even certain stories, but everything. All of it, time stamped. Maybe that's why I constantly feel that I'm running out of things to say - or dare I admit it - that I constantly feel like people are going away from me. Not permanently, just away.

Of all my friendships, I've never had anyone who told me I was good enough, or that I mattered, or that I did  good. Maybe that's because I've never done good - or maybe because no one sees me - the real person here. I'm not laughing as much, not smiling as much, and definitely not hoping as much.

One day I hope I can see clearly. Without all these issues in my head banging out for a chance to show. I'll have to remind my brain that we're trying to kill the drama queen and not let her have her moment. But it seems she always wants out.

Sometimes she gets her way.