because I was doing okay and then you came along.
because I had to see you again and remember everything you once brought me
because I still miss walking on that sanded out path, crossing that one divided road, up the brick red stairs, across the florescent lit void deck, onto the warm tared road, over the second crossing and down the long brick and tar car park just being there, just laughing.
because I haven't found anyone who got me like you did.
because no matter how I try, I cannot erase you.
because I can still remember how you threw me away first, during that one food & nutrition lesson.
because I have what you said burned into my head, "You should have seen your face" and then you left
because every memory of secondary school has you in it
because you are an asshole
because you taught me the most important lesson "Why should I burden people with my problems"
because till this day, it feels wrong to trust
because I've never been good enough
because you've always been the better one
because people never forget
because I can't keep up with this on then off again friendship
because you drive me insane
because I defined you as a best friend
because against every single fiber of my being I defined you as a best friend
because we were not what I remembered
because you were a part of what made me, me
because I laugh harder with you than anyone else
because you don't tell me anything
because you've got your own life now
because you never put away your goddamn phone when we head out
because I'm more of a friend to you than you are to me
because I the only reason you text-ed me after that last night was because you didn't feel good - nothing to do with me
because I'm running out of reasons why I shouldn't text you back
because you don't care about me enough
because I am worth a hell a lot more than one two sentence text message
because I find myself still wanting to be your friend
because I miss you.
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